By Daniel Morales

Monogamy is a hot topic in the LGBTQ+ community, especially since many gay men choose open relationships. The big question is, which relationship type is correct? Both monogamous and open relationships can work beautifully if both partners are on the same page and true to themselves.

When helping men find healthy, long-term relationships, I ask, “What are your values, and what relationship structure aligns with you?” Many men choose monogamy or openness based on societal pressures. It’s crucial to form your own beliefs, not just follow what others think is right.

Evaluating your core values is essential in dating intentionally. If you genuinely don’t believe in monogamy, own it! There’s no shame in choosing a relationship structure that matches your authentic self.

So, what are some of the common misconceptions and how can you succeed?

Common Misconceptions

1. Monogamy is not achievable for gay men: Many believe gay men can’t sustain monogamous relationships, but many do, just like anyone else.
2. Gay relationships are inherently non-monogamous: While some choose non-monogamous structures, many prefer monogamy.
3. Monogamy is boring or restrictive: Monogamous relationships can be fulfilling, passionate, and dynamic.
4. Gay men are more likely to cheat: Infidelity can happen in any relationship and isn’t exclusive to gay men.
5. Monogamy is a heteronormative construct: Many gay men embrace monogamy as it aligns with their values and desires.
6. Open relationships are the only alternative: There are diverse relationship structures; monogamy is one valid option. 

What You Need to Succeed

1. Open Communication: Discuss feelings, needs, and boundaries openly.
2. Trust: Build trust through honesty, reliability, and consistency.
3. Respect for Boundaries: Communicate and respect each other’s boundaries.
4. Emotional Connection: Prioritize emotional intimacy and understanding.
5. Fidelity and Commitment: Stay sexually exclusive and prioritize the relationship.
6. Shared Values and Goals: Align on values, goals, and future plans.
7. Quality Time Together: Spend quality time to maintain connection.
8. Conflict Resolution Skills: Develop effective conflict resolution skills.

9. Supportive Community: Surround yourself with a supportive community.