By On Mekahel Cederberg & Dave Mekahel Cederberg
The year is rapidly coming to a close. It has been a period of time that many of us are anxious to put in the rear view. Most of the pleasant distractions that life affords us were put on pause, modified, or cancelled altogether. This has left us with a great deal of “time” on our hands. What we each chose to do with this rare unicorn of a situation is something that has ended in one of two scenarios (for your relationship) – making hay or making waves, and for your sake, I hope it’s the first.
In an ideal world, we would have all put our best, most productive foot forward and chose to utilize the excess for something like reflection and growth. If your relationship ended amidst quarantine, take some time to evaluate it now that you have some reprieve – especially since dating during these times is not quite what it was. There will be more time for self focus and less for social distraction. Figure out if you selfishly folded under the immense pressure of quarantine on an otherwise solid situation, or if things were in fact irrevocably broken and it was merely quarantine that pushed everyone over the edge. Regardless of the scenario, the time to think will only provide some insight.
Fortunately, something that has been widely reported is individuals’ feelings of gratitude for the extra time that quarantine has afforded them with their family. This means that most people’s relationships found nurture. For us, we really dug into those feelings as well as each other and our relationship, while at the same time making sure we both kept ourselves busy as the individuals that we are. We leaned into the good (which has been a majority of the last nine months) as well as the bad (a period of about three weeks when we couldn’t even look at each other without throwing words).
The first part of our approach to all of this: skip the small talk! We live and work together 24 hours a day. We both know what happened. Instead, we saved the conversation for weekend nights. Our discussions would go on all night over a different fun drink, which we found a recipe for each week. With a little bit of lube, we were able to speak more freely regarding ourselves, us, and our life. The exchange would focus on what, how, and what we are thankful for in the present, the goals we have for our future, and some more detailed and precise backstory about things from each one’s past. No topic was off limits. The good and bad surfaced and resurfaced. You all better believe that by way of thorough examination, a little experimentation, and some “gaping” communication lines, our sex life has most literally exploded unto great heights. But, also, after the primary concern of sex as a whole, we feel that our relationship has reached new heights – the next phase. This was definitely due in part to the conditions of quarantine. Without it, who knows what our butterfly effect could have been.
Our experience has reiterated that during any sort of hardship that life might present, choosing how to react to whatever it is that is uncontrollable is the only path towards freedom, pleasure, redemption, or whatever positive vibe is being sought. How you navigate your relationship in the face of quarantine is no different. Challenge yourself and your partner in a way that will illuminate just how you both became your other’s quarantine partner to begin with.