Miss Richfield 1981 Says There’s A Pill For That
Jan 30, 2026
Sunshine Cathedral MCC | events.sunshinecathedral.org
Miss Richfield 1981 wants a new drug. She’ll make that clear right from the start of There’s a Pill For That, her new show that she will bring to the Sunshine Cathedral MCC at the end of this month. When asked if her opening number is the hit Huey Lewis had three years after she took her beauty pageant crown in Richfield, Minnesota, she delivered a true diva dismissal saying, “I think of it as mine. It’s not his number. Yeah, it’s definitely my number.”
Even if it may be the same song, her claim is hard to dispute since Lewis probably never performed that song as she will, dressed as her favorite prescription drug. Miss Richfield 1981 promises a feel good evening that is just what the doctor ordered as she once again infuses her show with contagious laughter, infectious audience interaction and improv presented at a fever pitch.
“My show this year is just fabulous,” she previewed. “I don’t know if you’ve seen the ads on TV, and I don’t know how you could miss them in the new medicated world that we live in. If you watch those commercials, those people are happy. It’s hard to believe that any of them are actually sick. I’m so excited about it because it’s a celebration. It’s just a freaking celebration and an upbeat look at how sick and bad off we all are.”
The show is her latest moment in the spotlight since she was awarded her beautiful hand- glittered sash, tiara and the first-place prize of a power lawnmower in what can only be described as a hotly contested pageant in 1981.
“There was an incident,” she admitted after prompting. “You’re probably referring to Trudy Olson, who was a fabulous and very talented performer. I was really worried she would get the crown because she was dancing to some music and twirling not one, not two, but three flaming batons when she lost control and took out the whole front row of contestants in a terrible fire. It was awful. I don’t know if you’ve seen taffeta burn, but it’s almost like a NASA launch between the hairspray and the taffeta and all.
“I was the only contestant to stop, drop, and roll, which is also how I do my hair. All the other contestants got up and ran and you’re not supposed to run when you’re on fire. I think eight of them were taken to the burn unit and a couple to the morgue. So overall, it was a positive response. I was the only contestant left and out of the smoke came one of the judges who just handed me the sash and crown and said, ‘You’re it.’ Those were his actual words. And so that’s when I won my beautiful title.”
She’s come a long way and many miles over the years thanks to her sponsor, A Mighty Fortress Is Our God Lutheran Church in Richfield.
“I love my church so very, very much and all my friends at the church and the women’s circles that do the singing and the funeral lunches,” she said wistfully. “Part of what I adore about my congregation is that they are the ones that buy my bus ticket. Most of the mission’s budget doesn’t go to missionaries, it goes to buy me a bus ticket to go someplace else. Sometimes when I don’t know where to go next, they just say go, they don’t even tell me. I mean, they love me, they support me. I so miss my church and I don’t even remember the last time I was at the church. I usually walk in and they hand me a bus ticket and I just turn around and leave.”
While Minnesota churches have a reputation for friendly potluck gatherings, the Sunshine Cathedral rivals that camaraderie with the Cathedral Pub. Open one hour prior to the performance, it offers live music, beverages, and appetizers in a comfortable meet-and-greet environment that is available to attendees as an additional ticket to the performance.
A YouTube star for her rendition of Lime Jello Marshmallow Cottage Cheese Surprise, Miss Richfield 1981 does offer the Cathedral Pub advice if they want to add a hot dish to the menu.
“I always say any hot dish recipe is good when it starts with a can of cream of mushroom soup and you top it off with French’s original crispy dried onion rings. I’m telling you, that’s it. It doesn’t matter what else is in there. I have gone to parties, and I’m talking about fancy gay parties where you have to eat 14 helpings to fill yourself up because it’s some stupid thing on the end of a toothpick, and I will bring hot dish and that dish is so clean by the time people are done, I almost don’t have to wash it because that goes first. In the end there is not a piece of a dried French onion ring left. It is completely cleaned up. That’s an absolutely true story.”
Also true is that due to legislation in Florida, no one under 18 will be admitted to the show at the Sunshine Cathedral, unlike at Miss Richfield 1981’s home base in Provincetown, Massachusetts where she debuts a new show each year.
“I perform all over the country and it is literally the only place that this is an issue,” she said. “That makes me sad because I think it’s such a lost opportunity. I have a lot of kids that come to my show in P-Town. I’ve had kids as young as three or four come to the show with their parents and then I’ve had teenagers come without their parents. And you say, ‘Who are you with today?’ And they’re like, ‘We just came.’ They get it. It’s just an opportunity to have fun. Kids these days are so tied to screens. This is an opportunity to see a live performance and live theater is really struggling these days. I’m just bummed and I guess the kids down there are going to have to watch the clowns making the laws because they can’t watch this clown.”
The fact that Fort Lauderdale isn’t like Providence or Richfield became clear when she talked about home.
“I think every city across the country would benefit from being more Richfieldian because in the Midwest we believe in kindness and generosity. We look out for one another and we’re very friendly. In fact, in Richfield we are so friendly that we wave to all the planes that fly overhead because the airport is in our backyard and it’s a huge international airport. Oftentimes, we take turns standing outside the trailer waving to the planes because we don’t want anyone coming to Richfield not feeling welcomed. That is super important.”
According to Richfield’s beehived brand ambassador, the city is even able to combat challenges facing South Florida and other cities.
“We’ve heard that ICE might be coming to arrest all of our gardeners and landscapers. But here’s the deal, the joke’s on them because none of us can afford gardeners or landscapers. So, ha ha ha. But we’re keeping it quiet because we want them to come anyway because maybe that will take the heat off the wealthy community next door to us. We’re still encouraging them to come, but we’re hiding all of our friends. We do our own lawns and landscaping, so they can arrest me. I don’t care but I don’t want them arresting our friends.”
It seems that the charms of Richfield are timeless including the fundamentals of what it takes to win the crown.
“There’s a new Miss Richfield every year,” she sighed. “The problem is that a lot of them don’t have a sponsor like my church and when you’ve got Jesus behind you, know what I’m saying? When I give advice, I just tell most of the gals to drop out before they humiliate themselves because most people aren’t talented and beautiful like me. But to those that are, that have the natural beauty, the talents, and a natural baritone voice like myself, I say, stay genuine and always fold Jesus into your answer on that tricky question. It’s always a good idea, because who’s going to argue with Jesus, right? Nobody.”
And what has become of her baton twirling archrival?
“She does like it when I mention her name, because she occasionally feels like she’s still involved, but she’s not really,” she dished. “Don’t misspell her name because she’d be furious. T-R-U-D-Y O-L-S-O-N. Between the fire and her getting heavy, she’s not been in the beauty pageant circuit for many years.”
Miss Richfield 1981 won’t be leaving South Florida from the bus station this time. At the beginning of February, she’ll depart Miami with the Atlantis mega-cruise on the Symphony of the Seas billed as the world’s biggest gay festival at sea.
“It’s going to be a wonderful, fun time because it’s one of the largest cruise ships in the world,” she raved. “I tell people all the time that these cruises have so many people on them, you can make it whatever you want. For me, that salt air is fabulous because it helps shellac my hair into a helmet. The best cruises are the ones where there’s a little bit of rocking and a little bit of rough seas, which always makes me look shinier and prettier because as people’s eyes are crossing and becoming glassy, you just look better. You don’t want to make anybody sick, but you do look better when things are a little rough for everybody else.”
She’ll also be playing bingo on the ship, a game for which she became an online sensation from the ninth day of the pandemic shutdown in March 2020 as she led twice weekly games until November 2024.
“Bingo is the best. They play it in elementary schools, in preschools. They play it at church bazaars. They play it in care centers for old folks. It is the ultimate game of fun. It doesn’t really take a lot of strategy. You don’t have to sit and think about it and it doesn’t involve math so you could have gone to public school and still play it. I know a lot of the people in my audience are probably Christians and I tell them that the Bible says a lot about gambling, but there is not one verse about bingo. I think it is blessed by the Lord. Unfortunately, they don’t have bingo balls anymore and it’s all done by computers so my tagline ‘Grab your balls and play’ no longer works.”
As she heads to the high seas and into a new year, Miss Richfield 1981 is making resolutions for 2026.
“I love resolutions. I want to improve all the time and even if one of the resolutions improves my life a little bit that’s important. In 2026, I’m going to practice my ukulele every day because that’s new and I just started putting that into the show. I’m going to get more fiber in my diet. I’m going to continue to save for my bunion surgery on both feet because if you just do one, you’ll never do the other one. I’m also going to make more lesbian friends because I do enjoy a motorcycle ride.”
