By Jessica Graves | @theJessGraves
Just before adding the finishing touches to his latest makeup tutorial, 8-year-old Kellan signs off of his YouTube channel reminding his fans to “like and subscribe.” While the budding makeup artist may have already mastered the art of blending, he has never been the type of kid who blends in. “I tell everybody we have 2 sons, 2 daughters, and one diva,” says his mother, Brooke. “Kellan has always marched to the beat of his own drum,” agrees dad Kevin. Then with a flip of his blonde locks, Kellan quips, “A diva does what a diva do’s, honey.”
For many families raising a gender-expansive child can be challenging even for families who consider themselves allies. Despite being the middle child in a tight-knit family where dad explains, “Our kids love each other through their differences,” he often worries about protecting Kellan from the “active hate” in the comments section. Initially Brooke was reluctant to let her “diva” go public, but she eventually relented out of a sense of duty explaining, “So many kids are afraid of rejection from their families.” By giving Kellan a voice, she hopes his videos will help others to feel less alone. Her eyes well up as she recalls her own initial loneliness when friends began criticizing her for allowing her son to wear dresses. She felt as if they were being ostracized, “He didn’t get invited to playdates. It would break my heart.” After relocating to South Florida from San Francisco, the family eventually found their way to SunServe’s support group, Different Drummer, a monthly meeting held at the South Florida non-profit for families with gender-creative or trans children ages 3-11.
Rian Merrick, senior therapist for SunServe’s Youth Program, leads the Different Drummer group while simultaneously managing his regular caseload of nearly two-dozen clients. “Many of the parents who attend the group,” explains Rian, “have lost family support because of supporting their own children.” By lending their expertise from a mental health standpoint, SunServe Youth Therapists engage the younger members through play therapy and counsel the adults through talk therapy. “What makes it magic,” Rian says, “is when parents go from ‘I don’t know what to do’ to ‘here’s where we’ve been and how we got through it.’”
Growing up as a gay man in religiously conservative Trinidad and Tobago, Rian understands the importance of feeling accepted. After a chance encounter with SunServe several years ago while studying at Nova Southeastern University, he scored his “dream job” where he continually strives to “become who I needed when I was younger” through life coaching, therapy, and social engagement. Despite the current political climate in Florida, SunServe Youth Therapists maintain hope for the future, often reminding parents who worry their children won’t have the same freedoms, “that they’re not fighting alone.” “Having a support system is so important for children on different gender spectrums,” agrees Brooke.
Through SunServe, Brooke and Kellan along with dozens of other families have finally found their safe space, forming lasting bonds with people going through similar situations. “It’s like finding that piece of you that’s missing,” explains Brooke, “where people don’t judge you. They get you.” This past year, Kellan has gone from the kid who wasn’t invited to parties or playdates, to a confident and funny kid hosting sleepovers and filming makeup tutorials for his growing fan base. “This is about our child discovering who they are, supporting him, loving him,” Brooke says, adding with a smile, “I think he’s got great style.” Now that’s a beat we can all march to.
